The caste system

When I was in ninth grade, my classmates were introduced to Hinduism and some basic Hindu tenets in our Global Studies class. One of the first things that we covered was the concept of the caste system. There were the brahmins (priests) at the top, followed by the kshatriyas (warriors), then the vaishyas (merchants), and sudras (unskilled workers). Absent from the hierarchy were the untouchables. It had always been my understanding that caste was a birthright. One was born into a certain caste based on their past karma (fruits of their actions). The hereditary quality of caste, like eye color and skin tone, seemed indisputable. If my parents were one caste, then I would be of the same caste. Hence, at the time, marrying within the same caste made complete sense.

I read this article recently in the New York Times, detailing the honor killing of a Brahmin girl in Northern India who was secretly engaged to someone from a lower caste. The parents had apparently feared, “…ostracism, and accused her of defiling their religion.” She was 22 years old when she was found dead, and was apparently pregnant. While the argument from the family’s side is that she committed suicide, it is hard not to believe that she died at the hands of her family. I can’t seriously believe her fiancé could have posed a serious threat aside from being a threat to questionable ideals and the pride that the family derived from adhering to those ideals.

My discontent with the caste system as it exists today probably started with my most recent trip to India. I was about to head off to college, and was visiting India partly to pray at some of the temples. One of the temples I visited was a small temple in Ernakulam devoted to Devi (the female embodiment of divinity). We had gone to perform a puja (ritual offering) in honor of one of the manifestations of Devi, Saraswati (the goddess of learning). The priest was unsurprisingly, a brahmin. My experience with priests here in the U.S. has always been positive; they have always been very friendly and interacted with us as though we were family. Yet this priest, nice as he was, would not permit us to touch his feet as a sign of respect, nor accidentally touch his hands when he gave us prasadam (food sanctified by having offered it to the deity). Even Nairs (at least in the old days…maybe even now in some rural parts of Kerala) had a physical hierarchy, where the castes are segregated to some extent, intermingling only as much as necessary. That never seemed right to me. While we set ourselves apart from each other with these supposedly hereditary castes, I’m pretty sure there are people in each caste who may not necessarily fit what it means to be from that caste, whether that means they rise above the defining characteristics or fall well below the cultural expectations.

To my knowledge, there is no scriptural basis for the theory that caste is hereditary. In the Bhagavad Gita, there is the following verse:

brahmana-ksatriya-visam
sudranam ca parantapa
karmani pravibhaktani
svabhava-prabhavair gunaih

Brahmanas, ksatriyas, vaisyas and sudras are distinguished by their qualities of work, O chastiser of the enemy, in accordance with the modes of nature.

(Bhagavad Gita As It Is, Chapter 18, Verse 41)

The next few verses delineate the qualities of each level of the caste system, without any reference to family or lineage as a deciding factor. The son of a sudra is not necessarily a sudra just because he is born to one. The same is true for other castes. It’s like saying the son of a doctor is a doctor too…ok well some parents may actually believe that one.

Unfortunately, caste still exists as a rigid, unchanging system where mobility is not an option. Intermingling among castes, while accepted nowadays in most contexts (more or less), romantic relationships still remain taboo. It is truly unfortunate and deplorable when parents react so harshly (and sometimes violently) in the face of an intercaste union. It is equally deplorable that, while people do interact across caste boundaries, some still hold on to the antiquated sense of superiority of inferiority supposedly conferred by caste. I really do hope this changes, it just seems like the product of centuries of misinterpretation and an intrinsic need to create a sense of “us” versus “them”. Once we move past those terms and realize that we are all in this together, and that we must do what we can to elevate each other socially and spiritually, then only can we make real progress.

Dating Your Political or Ideological Opposite…Would You Do It?

Sometimes I watch Keith Olbermann and I wonder, would someone (not necessarily Keith) who is so liberal ever date someone like, say, an Ann Coulter (ok not quite raving lunatic conservative but nonetheless staunch conservative) type? In trying to find a guy, I’ve always said I don’t want a social conservative. I’m a liberal in all senses of the word, and I personally don’t think I would get along with a social or political conservative. Ok, let me elaborate. I don’t think I would get along with a social conservative especially if they are adamant about their views. Yet I wonder how many couples there are where both people were at odds, politically or otherwise, and have lasted for a long period of time. I’m sure there are many that exist, but I would think they would be in the minority.

So what about you?

Watch “Sita Sings the Blues”

Because it is brilliant.

It is basically The Ramayana from Sita’s perspective. Her story is juxtaposed with that of the cartoonist, who herself is enduring a bad breakup from her husband. I know there are some raised eyebrows from the Hindu community, namely the portrayal of the story and missing out the elements of the story that make Rama’s actions “make sense” i.e. time period, expectations of women, etc. However, the point of the Ramayana (and any other story/epic) is to inspire, and perhaps even provide comfort as the case seems to be here.

Check out Nina Paley’s blog as well. She bills herself as “America’s Best-Loved, Unknown Cartoonist.” I get the feeling she’s not going to be unknown for much longer.

In Sita, the cartoonist finds someone not unlike herself, faced with the sudden separation from her husband, whom she loves without boundaries. The story is wonderfully narrated by three, Indonesian shadow puppets, and the animation of Sita’s story and the cartoonist Nina Paley’s story are animated differently, both styles adding another dimension to each story. I think I liked the songs the most–all rendered by Annette Henshaw, a singer who sang the songs during the twenties–it was as though the songs were made for the film.

It aired on PBS New York (WNET) last night, however the full, streaming movie is available here:

http://www.thirteen.org/sites/reel13/blog/watch-sita-sings-the-blues-online/347/

Shaadi.com…part deux

This is a follow-up to my last Shaadi.com post.

So I should probably start out by saying that I created an account. I will admit it. I have an account on Shaadi.com.

Ok, cue the laughter…all right that’s enough.

Oh, and no you can’t see it.

You may be wondering, “After all that whining in your last post, why did you cave in and create an account on Shaadi.com?”

First, a refresher for my non-Indian readers:

Malayalees refers to people from the South Indian state of Kerala. Nairs refers to a caste among Malayalee Hindus, probably most similar to the general “kshatriya” caste.

Well it’s not like I’m wading knee-deep in Nair guys who fit my parents’ stringent criteria (as well as my own). I don’t have the time to go to many of these Malayalee events and conventions anymore (yes so that means I probably won’t be making it out to the KHNA convention in LA this year…sigh). Sure, Nair guys make up probably the largest chunk of the Hindu Malayalees in the United States, but among all Indians in the United States, we are a rarity. I think if I just left it to chance, I’d probably only end up finding someone who fits the bill by the age of…50? 60?

If I learned anything from my Human Bonding class in college, it is this: the largest pool of potential partners you will ever encounter is in college, after that, social networking/dating sites or other dating/meet-and-greet events are your next best bet (depressing, yes, but true). Well…that and people tend to be attracted to people who look most like themselves, but that’s another story altogether.

So I guess to answer the question in my last post…Shaadi.com may be a legitimate possibility.

However, I think Shaadi.com and a lot of other Indian dating/matrimonial sites seem to cater more to those in India than Indians that have either moved abroad or were born abroad. The vast majority of people who have profiles on Shaadi.com are from India. While, yes, I’m Indian, ultimately I’m a product of the United States. Yes, I took Carnatic music classes and classical dance classes, yes I like Indian culture, and yes I ultimately want to end up with an Indian guy. Yet I was born in the United States, and my outlook has been colored by my experiences growing up in the United States. Perhaps that’s why, for many Indians born abroad, Shaadi.com and similar sites seem ludicrous. I’m not even sure there are any websites geared towards NRI’s (non-resident Indians) or people of Indian origin that has the same popularity (or for that matter, as smooth an operating system) as Shaadi.com.

It would be even better to have a site for Malayalee NRIs/people of Indian origin, but that might be asking too much. If I had an ounce of computer programming ability, I would have started a site myself. Unfortunately, I’m as computer-challenged as they come. Anyone want to help me out?

So I’m hoping something comes out of my first foray into the (big and scary) world of online dating/matrimonial sites. It’s a crap shoot, but at least I’m keeping my options open.

Support the Pink Chaddi Campaign

Some of you may be reading this and asking, “What the hell is a chaddi anyway?” Chaddi in Hindi means underwear. This should probably pique your interest.

I heard about this a few days ago and think it’s absolutely brilliant. It’s kind of useless for me to rehash the whole story in my own words when someone else has done it very well already, so here is the the link to that.

Hindu fringe elements like the Shri Ram Sena give Hinduism a bad name. The rule of thumb for Hindus is to treat every woman with the same respect as though they were your mother or sister. Times are changing and women are more empowered in India and elsewhere. To try to violently bring them back into some ultraconservative way of living, where women are forever subservient to the demands of men, is foolish and horrific. Women will not be embarrassed anymore. We will live and love freely.

So please support the Pink Chaddi campaign. Visit their website and join their Facebook group. Mail pink undies to the Shri Ram Sena. I’d go so far as to say mail large, billowing, pink, granny-panties, just for kicks, but really it’s your call. Regardless of what kind of undies, they have to be pink, otherwise where’s the fun?

Valentine’s Day/Singles Awareness Day

There are days when I wake up and I think, wouldn’t it be nice to not be single, find a guy, fall in love, marry, and settle down (or as will probably happen in the arranged marriage scenario…marry, fall in love, and settle down)?

Yet most days, I wake up and think that a world where I didn’t have to deal with the Y chromosome in that way isn’t an entirely bad alternative either. Unfortunately that’s not an option.

Every year, Valentine’s Day isn’t so much a dagger to my heart as it is a splinter in my side. Valentine’s Day…bah humbug. Here’s how I see it (at least from my albeit biased perspective).

I wasn’t really raised to look forward to Valentine’s Day. I guess that’s the price of living in a family that is geared towards arranged marriage. So I never found the holiday particularly exciting for a long time. Valentine’s Day, for the longest time, was something I celebrated in elementary school, where we would exchange cards because the teacher told us to do so. It was probably when I got to college that I started to take notice of the holiday.

Yet seeing the stores now with all the pink and red, the streamers, the heart-shaped boxes of chocolate, and the sappy cards makes me want to retch a little. Everyone who has a significant other is just dripping with diabetes-inducing, sugary sweetness in every syllable of conversation and every action, especially those in the early stages of a relationship. Even those who have been dating or married for years will take that day, if not that whole week, and inject it with as much romance (perceived or valid) that they can muster. For those who are single, there is always a sense of gloom that descends during Valentine’s Day, and the days leading up to it.

Valentine’s Day, like Christmas, Easter, Halloween, Thanksgiving, and the Fourth of July, is another holiday gone rogue and commercialized. Everyone, in their celebration of the holiday, tries to live up to the idea of Valentine’s Day, not so much the idea of their own, unique romance with their significant other.

That being said, allow me one sappy, possibly cliché moment when I say that everyday should be Valentine’s Day for couples. If two people in a relationship need a holiday to remind them to be loving and romantic…I’m not sure what to say to them.

I will (grudgingly) admit that this could be partly a case of sour grapes. I have been single for every Valentine’s Day for my whole life. However, I will also admit that the holiday itself has gotten so incredibly commercialized to the point of tears. Do we really need to buy special Valentine’s Day, brand-name things to feel some sense of purpose? I don’t think so. Do we absolutely need to buy the other person something expensive or take them out to the best restaurants or romantic spots to celebrate? It would be nice, but I’d be just as happy at home. There seems to be so much pressure on both people in a relationship to do something amazing on Valentine’s Day, it doesn’t need to be that way.

But this year (as in recent years) I won’t be sad during Valentine’s Day. I will be celebrating Singles Awareness Day (S.A.D.). Sure I want a relationship, but being single is much more fun. Really, I swear it’s true. Keep in mind, being single for me means (for the most part) keeping the marriage proposals away, at least for the time being. Can’t exactly dive into a dating scene that is still ambiguous, vague, and sometimes a little taboo by Indian standards.

Being in a relationship, at least in the early stages, means having to be with that person all the time. I don’t mean that you’re forced into spending every waking moment with them, it just ends up that way. Blame a combination of neurotransmitters and hormones that produce good, old-fashioned infatuation. In some (slightly unhealthy) scenarios, relationships can overwhelm your life and supplant other things like studying, other relationships (family and friends), and work in terms of importance.

Yet being single means keeping your options wide open, being unfettered, and being able to keep all your other relationships intact. What this translates to is a) having a license to be flirty (to be used as much or as little as needed), b) having more time to bitch about how it sucks to be single to all your friends while not-so-secretly enjoying your independence. You don’t have to include your significant other in all of your activities, or cloister yourself away with only him or her. You can just do what you need to do, see who you need to see, and not answer to anyone.

Sometimes when someone is in a relationship, they forget how to exist on their own two feet. As a couple, you become a unit. Person A becomes inextricably linked with person B, to the point that sometimes they’re treated as one and the same. Independence is important, and sometimes it’s something that you have to relearn when you are single. You can’t form healthy relationships without some sense of self apart from your significant other. We do crave relationships and forming bonds with other people, but ultimately we have to know how to live and think independently.

Being single, most importantly, also means having time to do soul-searching, to figure out what exactly you want out of a relationship. I think that a lot of people (myself included) shortchange ourselves this little luxury while we, instead, moan about how we’re single. If we don’t really know what we want out of a relationship, can we ever have a successful one?

So yes, I do want to have my Valentine’s Day one day. I want it to be thoughtful and I want it to be romantic, but I don’t want it limited to one frigid day in February. Until I can find someone who can be like that every day of the year, I will fill my days with my other relationships with my family and my friends. I will allow myself to grow and mature as a person. I will be single, and I will be happy.

Happy S.A.D.! :p

Another New Year

I can’t say 2008 was a bad year. It could have been better, but that goes for any year I suppose. Graduated from Cornell (ok fine that was 2007 technically, but it’s January 2008 for all intents and purposes), started my masters (make that two masters), and met new people. Things seem to be heading in the right direction, in terms of school, family, friends, and other areas. So far so good.

So New Year’s Eve is around the corner. You know what that means? That’s right, more New Year’s resolutions. The end of the year means self-reflection and planning the upcoming year to be the best it can be. Whether this means losing weight or ending a bad habit, everyone has their own set of goals.

The person with the hardest set of resolutions is probably Barack Obama. Here’s my theoretical list of resolutions:
1. Save the world, or at least make strides in that direction.
2. Quit smoking
3. Keep sane despite existing in the bubble that is the Presidency, Secret Service and all.

Mine are pretty average, the get into shape, find (and maybe end up with) a great guy, do well in classes-sort of resolutions. There are a few that may be a little more out of the ordinary:

1. Get a book deal.
2. Get into medical school.

Will one or any of those things happen? I don’t know. Wishful thinking perhaps, but hopefully a few of those will work out.

I’m curious what the most popular New Year’s resolution is among people. What is your top resolution for 2009?

To all of you, friends I have known all along, friends I have gotten to know through blogging, and the readers who may have just stumbled here today, I want to wish you a happy, peaceful, and prosperous New Year. Here’s to another year of new beginnings and new possibilities.

The Emerging Facebook Culture

I’ve wanted to write this one for a while, considering how I’m the self-proclaimed Facebook addict.

I started using Facebook back when Facebook was open only to the Ivy League universities, and maybe a few more outside of that (this was maybe around May 2004). I wasn’t really into the whole MySpace scene, and this seemed like a clean-cut version of MySpace. It also was a more organized version of Cornell’s attempt at uniting our incoming class of 2008. Back then, Facebook was relatively simple. You had a profile, a friend’s list, inbox, and the poking feature. Beyond that, there wasn’t really a whole lot.

Oh how times have changed.

Now Facebook is no longer restricted to university students, or even just to students. Everyone is on Facebook. Yes your little brother, your neighbor from down the road, perhaps even your parents–they all have profiles. Facebook has grown and morphed into this social-networking juggernaut that keeps changing to meet the demands of the public. There are very few people nowadays who don’t know what Facebook is.

Facebook has become its own cultural phenomenon. It comes with its own set of social norms. You don’t believe me? There is a whole set of connotations that can be associated with, say, a poke. If a girl pokes a guy, or a guy pokes a girl, it can be viewed as flirtatious. If friends poke each other, it’s more a sign that they’re both silly and very bored. A person you don’t know who pokes you is viewed as creepy. I can probably create a hundred other scenarios that center on a poke. The same goes for messages, wall posts, and other modes of communicating that Facebook provides.

You can probably categorize people into a host of loose categories based on their Facebook habits. There are those who friend everyone, accept all friend requests, join every group, and add every application. They are probably better off on MySpace. Then there are those who do…nothing. They are probably better off not creating a profile to begin with. Then there are those who fall somewhere along that spectrum. There are those who probably have lives and occasionally update their Facebook profile, and don’t necessarily seek out new friendships, but keep the ones they have alive through Facebook. Then there are those (like me) who tend to go on Facebook often more to utilize it for a specific purpose (like plugging my blog and keeping in touch with friends). The possibilities are endless.

Facebook has even begun to serve as a method for finding potential dates, and that too, comes with its own set of unspoken rules. It’s no surprise that it is being used that way. One’s profile has (usually) all the information a person needs to learn about another person enough to decide whether or not it’s worth getting to know them better. Yet sometimes, actually opening the channel of communication through Facebook whether through a message, poke, friend request, or other method can be viewed very differently between different people. I tend to overextend my definition of creepy to cover a whole set of possible actions on Facebook, but that’s also because I’m very cautious by nature. These include the compliments about photos, pokes, and random friend requests. I have only now begun to realize that sometimes, it’s not so much that people are creepy, and it could be explained by the fact that they are perhaps shy. Sometimes you have to give people the benefit of the doubt, but in the context of the Internet, sometimes it is better to exercise caution. Many do actually turn out to be very creepy.

Now that Facebook is open to everyone, there are legitimate concerns about privacy. Parents are using this as a means of keeping tabs on their children, while employers and graduate schools are using it as a means of investigating their applicants’ private lives (with special attention to partying, drinking, and drug use). Facebook has become the new Big Brother, in that regard. It’s legitimate that it would be used in that sense, it is a useful tool that way. Obviously the first thing to do is either a) stop drinking to the point of stupidity b) stop underage drinking and c) stop drug use, but really that’s just wishful thinking. So I guess the best thing to do is don’t put up pictures that portray you in an unfavorable light. While sure, you may have had fun at that frat party, house party, or bar, you don’t necessarily want that to ruin your chances at a great future or ruin your parents’ trust. I can understand employers using Facebook to assess applicants, but seriously, parents shouldn’t be so eager to make a profile to spy on their children. For the most part, we know what we’re doing, and sometimes we may stumble…but we can pick ourselves up. Just have a little faith.

Facebook has become a tool for reporters, celebrities, and musicians to gain fans and keep them up to date on various happenings. I can be informed when Nicholas Kristof writes a new column or blog post, or when the date for the start of a new season of Monk, Heroes, or House is announced. I think its fair to say that Facebook is slowly supplanting MySpace as the social networking site of choice, for both regular Joes and celebrities alike.

It seems that Facebook is probably here to stay, much like AIM, as a novel method of communication and networking. I’m curious to see how it will evolve to meet changing times and changing generations. Hopefully it will all be for the best.

I’m going to leave you with two videos relating to Facebook. The first is Penn Masala’s homage to Facebook, and is a parody of Enrique Iglesias’ “Hero.”

The second is a brilliant video that takes Facebook actions and looks at what would happen if we did those things in real life.

Kids Have the Right Idea About Love

I happened across a New York Post article on 9-year old Alec Greven and his new book on love and relationships. It’s simply entitled, “How to Talk to Girls.” The advice he gives makes perfectly good sense. It’s a surprise how, at 9, boys and girls seem to have a good grip on the nuances of relationships. It’s once we age that we over-complicate everything. Don’t deny it, you know it is true.

Here are the most true bits of advice he gave in his book:

1. “Girls always like the smartest boys.” Hit the books!

2. “Control your hyperness (cut down on sugar if you need to).” I suppose this applies to college students hyped up on coffee, or drunk out of their minds.

And most important of all…

3. “Girls win most of the arguments and have most of the power.” Good to know he has learned this early on, he will fare well in life.