After a particularly involved (and amusing) discussion with a few friends on whether mustaches are acceptable or not, I figured I’d devote a post to the subject.

There was a particularly amusing moment I had at Cornell, where a few students had set up a sort of “mustache rally” in an effort to bring the mustache back into style. They were chanting pro-mustache slogans and brandishing razors and scissors at people who walked by, offering to give them a shave. Indeed it seems like mustaches are making a comeback…for better or worse.

There are roughly three groups of men: those who look at facial hair as a sign of rugged masculinity and actively grow and shape it into various creations, those who go for the razor at the first sign of stubble, and those who grow facial hair because they’d rather not go through the effort of shaving. Those from older generations, and those from outside the Western nations tend to value facial hair as undoubtedly a sign of masculinity. There probably is some evolutionary significance as far as men having facial hair is concerned. It is a marker of maturity, and perhaps for that reason, it hasn’t been phased out by either evolution or by societal whims.

I have one relative inquire of another relative who prefers to be clean-shaven, whether or not he is a man (to which I replied yes, he’s bald, he has more than enough testosterone). South Indian men seem to believe that mustaches define manliness, as evidenced by 90% of the actors having mustaches. Which brings me to my next point…what makes a man a man?

Masculinity can be defined by a few factors. The most definitive factor is chromosomal identity, that is, possessing XY sex chromosomes that give rise to male primary and secondary sex characteristics. Most boys look forward to the day that they start growing facial hair and shaving, because to them, it is a sign of growing up. Yet does the mustache make the man?

Obviously not.

Masculinity is defined by social constructs and personal outlook. It is equal parts machisimo and chivalry, with a pinch of sensitivity for good measure. It is sports and action, but also just being a father, brother, boyfriend, or husband. A little facial hair does not do any of that.

Clearly my stance on the mustache debate (yay or nay) is undoubtedly nay, to the dismay of 90% of my male, Malayalee relatives. Perhaps it’s due to being raised in the United States, where we are bombarded with ads for the next multi-blade razor that leaves a man’s face “silky smooth.” I just don’t think mustaches alone look good on a man’s face, with rare exception. It’s like carrying a chinchilla around on your upper lip all day.

Facial hair in general doesn’t suit all men. All men are different, all have different facial types. Some have rounder, cherubic faces. Others are chiseled, with strong jawlines. Others still, fall somewhere along the spectrum. So what works, and what doesn’t?

Naturally it’s a question of personal tastes and aesthetics.

Three things that don’t work right from the get-go:

1. Large, shaggy beards (makes you look about 10-15 years older)
2. Muttonchops, and other strange mustache creations. (just looks weird)
3. Soul patches (makes me think that you missed a spot while shaving)

What can work:

1. Scruff: This works best for two types of people:
a. Those who have that chiseled appearance. It helps accentuate the cheekbones and jawline.
b. Those who aren’t quite chiseled, but have some signs of a chin and cheekbones: It helps to further define those areas.

2. Goatees: This works best for people who don’t have a discernible chin, and need to define where their jawline is. Goatees on people with longer, thinner faces adds a certain devilishness to their appearance, which may or may not be a good thing.

3. Small mustaches a la Johnny Depp in Pirates: This only works if you have Depp’s facial structure (prominent cheekbones, hollow cheeks, strong jaw). Otherwise, it’ll just look make you look sketchy.

Ultimately men will grow their facial hair as they see fit, in accordance with their own definition of what it means to be a man, and more importantly, a good-looking man. There are obviously those for whom it just works, and for others, it can be an absolute disaster. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and it cannot be generalized to the population as a whole. That’s the great thing about being human, we can find beauty in a variety of manifestations.